Sometimes I wonder what

Sometimes I wonder what exactly is going on when I get as stressed out as I did
today. I mean the answer seems self obvious. There were so many people coming
and bitching all at once, there were so many things going wrong all at once,
that I couldn't possibly keep up with it all. It seems that answer should be
enough, but I always want to blame it on something, I want to blame it on the
fact that I'm in withdraw from my medication, or the fact that the woman I'm
interested in is just not interested in me, or that I'm just not organized, or
whatever... I want to rationalize, I want to think that under some "normal"
circumstance that I would be able to handle it all... truth is today, I found
out that I couldn't handle it all in a hard way. Too bad too. I made other
people feel it as well. They are all feeling the same way, perhaps that's why
it happened. Perhaps that's why it came out the way it did today, but really I
know that it's just that I've been asked to do too many things all at once and
the people that I've trusted to take care of me while I've been doing all of
this has proven to be misplaced... I don't know. There are reasons that they are
acting the way they are... there are plans of something about to happen, but who
knows what? Not me... it makes me pretty paranoid about my job security, my
sanity, and stress level. Perhaps it's an informational thing... perhaps it's
some change in the way things are panning out, who knows. I'm more inclined to
believe that things aren't going to happen the way I'd planned.

Oh well... sleep and then up and at 'em again tomorrow... hopefully with some
perspective.

j-
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