Like Johnny Rotten said, "Did you ever get the feeling you've been cheated?"
This is a little story... a story about Peter Pan and his lost boys. Oh, and a lost girl. I've always thought that it's twisted to think of yourself as an entity stuck in time, or more to the point, to not think of oneself. Yet it seems that so many do just that. I'll not try and offer a reason to why that is.
So one day, being friends with Wendy, I meet Peter Pan. He's a boy, someone who seems so outgoing that he would do anything for his friends. Wendy falls in love because of the appearance. She's all about appearances after all, and has a keen eye for aesthetics. I sort of admire her for that, but it has it's downside as well. Like for instance, whenever an object of beauty looks at her for more than a second, we have to hear about it again and again. Sort of like these are the only stories that she knows. The ones where she's the center of someone's attention. I'm convinced that, after all this time, the only stories that make an impact on her are the ones where she is the center of focus. I think it's because she's the center of focus for her own world, but I'm not sure how considering she neglects and ignores herself so often. She's kind of like a twinkie that when you bite into it has no creamy filling. All surface and no substance. That's what she presents at least. I suppose it's easier for girls to act that way, it's the image most guys want to see. Still... its too bad, because there's a lot to admire about her when she's not putting up this shallow front which isn't always.
So Wendy, when I meet her, is just breaking up with a boyfriend. A nice guy, but not someone to feel a great deal of burning passion for, and Wendy so desperately wants to burn (as many of us indeed do). She's beautiful though so the line of succession is already forming before he's out the door. Seems like the natural order of things that there can't be enough respect between men so as to give some time from one to the next. It's our animal instincts taking over although we try and deny them. Or as someone said to me the other day, "Its an addiction." Wendy meets Peter in the line of succession. Just so happens he's weaseled his way up to the front of the line. Crafty little Peter seems as though he's been line jumping for years. He's got funny stories to back up the notion. And he's funny, and he's charming, and at first, and for a while everything seems good. Everything goes according to "plan" for Peter and Wendy (whatever the "plan" may be). But as time goes by, Peter starts to show some of the true nature that is lying underneath the surface. Poor Wendy, convincing herself that there is nothing of import under the surface, never bothered to look there. But as time goes on it can't be overlooked. As another friend once told me, "Deny what is in you and it will destroy you." Peter is all about denying what is in him. I can relate to some degree, because there can be some really ugly shit in there.
I first grew concerned when Wendy told me about Peter making certain racist statements. Now, lets be clear, I don't think Peter is racist. But this bugged be because in this day and age it doesn't seem right to hold onto the antiquated belief that someone is inferior simply because of their appearance, not even joking. But that could be some of my PC indoctrination bleeding through. It turns out that this is more important that one would realize. Remember that Wendy and Peter are two people that are all about putting up false appearances. Wendy playing the part of the ditzy female, and Peter of the young exuberant manchild. Now, she confronts him about certain racist comments and there is the understanding that it won't happen again. And as far as I know, it doesn't. The question is never asked as to where those feelings come from and if they are genuine. Regardless, the hatred or anger or frustration that motivates such comments now has to be covered up. The anger can't be vented in it's normal directions (which I would assume would be where ever he felt like venting them in whatever chaotic manner).
The second cause for concern came when Peter turned his spite toward someone in Wendy's immediate circle of friends. Granted, there are reasons to be frustrated with this person, but the vehimence with which this energy was concentrated was pretty fierce. It seemed like vented hostility was becoming more focused. I'm still reeling from this one to some degree because I'm unsure as to what degree Wendy herself was trying to turn me against this person by saying certain things to provoke me. I'm sure it was all in fun, but regardless, some things don't need to be joked about. But this is all in retrospect now, I'm not sure how much to believe what she says because of the trust relationship that's been tainted due to events that were to follow. I'll get to those in a bit. Suffice it to say that there was a scary degree of hostility being vented for what can be seen as a very minor thing. Still Peter seemed bent on driving a wedge between Wendy and said friend. Something that I can somewhat relate to at this point.
The third cause for concern came in the form of another female. I made the mistake of finding one of Peter's ex-girlfriends interesting and attractive. I found out differently, at least based on the appearance she decided to show me but none of that really matters. What does matter was Peters reaction. The events that occured when we first "went out" which consisted of sitting on the couch watching TV because of the desire for a "low-key" evening were simply bizarre. I've not come out with the full story until now except to a few people because it was so weird that I wanted to figure out what was happening before I turned it into a story. It took some time, but it turned into something much larger than I expected. It's cool too, because no longer is it the story of a night trying to make it with some girl, now it's a character study of a group of people that are beyond anything I've known or experienced.
The events of that night in the basic quick form go like this. Wendy was out of town so Peter is hanging out at his ex-girlfriends house. Nothing to worry about there, right? We live in an enlightened time, I didn't think anything about it either. And even now, I doubt that sex is involved, but I know that there is some mental connection that is beyond "just friends" although this goes into interpretting things beyond what was clearly communicated so I'll stick to what was clearly communicated. So the conversation was good, and we're watching cheesy movies, and everythign seems okay. We're all getting a little high, and planning on going to get a little drunk. When she gets up and leaves the room, all this disparaging shit comes out of Peters mouth. My initial reaction is, "Why would he talk about a friend like that?" Then I start to understand that there aren't really "friends" in Peters life, there are people that fall in and out of favor, but as to the closeness? There doesn't seem to be a lot. I'd be glad to be wrong on this point however. There is more to this story, but as far as addressing why this is a cause for concern, I think I've done that.
It was after this point that I seemed to fall out of favor with Peter. Barbed comments aimed directly at me would come out in social settings. And let me tell you Peter is a passive-aggressive little bastard. A friend described it to me as "Male Territory" issues. I'm not one to play games though. So Peter starts playing little passive-aggressive games, and I walk away from it. I don't need to confront him, I don't need to take that shit either. I have the luxury of walking away from it. But still its as if the brunt of Peters hostility is pointed to me after the little event with his ex. It's about this time that Wendy starts exposing all her hostilities toward Peter to me. How she resents his temper and the arguing that they do. Then sometime shortly after that, she starts covering it up. I can only assume because Peter is dropping poisoned remarks in her ear about me. There's ammo. I'm "Psycho Boy" for how I interpretted the events of that night over at that girls house. I "read too much into things," which I don't really deny. And I need to "calm down" and not go so strongly after... well whatever. That's true too, no defense there. So now she's not communicating that there is anything wrong anymore, but it's odd because there are other people that know how close I was, and tell me that they are still arguing (rather loudly) every chance they get.
This all comes to a head of course when Peter has a party. And the tiny straw that broke the proverbial camels back. One of the most dispicable things I could imagine doing while growing up was to lie to someone about what they were ingesting. In the drug culture, it was a sort of "Honor among theives" mentality that I tried to use to seperate the wheat from the chaffe so to speak. Parties are always fun because you get to create the illusion of an environment that doesn't really exist. And each member of the party has a part in creating that environment. A person can be calm and enjoy themselves, or they can be animated and obnoxious, or they can portray something that they are not really. Like oblivious to the people and place that they wind up trampling through. When Peter lied to me about something that I ingested, it wasn't a big thing. It was a very small thing in fact. But now it didn't need to be big, with the load that was piling up. It's given way now and what's left but to walk away from the mess.
So this is the story of Peter Pan, the boy who can't grow up, and can't analyse his own behavior (or just doesn't want to). And Wendy, the girl who can't make up her mind to leave what is a bad situation even by her somewhat lax standards... or lets just say, the girl of indecision.
And as for me, the narrator of this little warped tale? I walk away unscathed and ammused, and with a fond appreciation of human behavior. I leave laughing, knowing all the events (or at least my spin on them). But I'm the lucky one. I'm not connected.
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